April Showers brings snow

Nature laughs at us all the time. It has a better sense of humor than my funniest friend, and this month it trumps him once again. 

The snow is falling in large white squares like a chess board falling to pieces from the sky. Snow is no longer beautiful to me. I don't want to sit by the fire and drink hot coca. I don't want to knit thick wool socks and snuggle up on my purple couch and watch old movies, where I obsess on how stunning Audrey Hepburn is.

 I WANT SPRING! I want flowers that poke out from the raw earth and make my heart jump and feel that sense of nostalgic energy pulling me home. I've never been a patient person and waiting for warm weather is testing every part of me. April reminds me of my childhood, my mom, the purple-pink blossoms that grew from that huge ass tree at MSAE, summer stars in IA, Blue Moons ( the beer and the one in the sky), swimming, tans, wild highs, coconut popsicles. I don't want to grow up, if you hadn't already noticed.

Is it a requirement? Can I transcend this tradition?

This month I'm experience growing pains for the first time in my life. Maybe it's because the fucking groundhog won't wake the hell up! 

 Growing pains are the gap between understanding yourself, your future, and your mind and heart. Sometimes I can't sleep because of these pains and then I remember that it's normal. When I think something is normal, I tend to yield anxiety for a few hours and continue getting shut-eye.

I think enlightenment is a more simplistic state of being than people make it seem to be. In my eyes, enlightenment is when there's no separation between heart and mind, and all that exists is contentment which in turn is bliss. But the kind of bliss, that is silent, unassuming and can be invisible if it chooses. I've decided that if Spring chooses to come in the next week, this time for real, I will be a good girl. I won't eat as much chocolate. I'll pass on that second beer, I really shouldn't have ordered anyways. I'll actually do my HW instead of chatting with my friends online. I'll make coffee for my sister in the morning, maybe if a few times a week....if only that damn snow would stay in the sky and make those clouds more white and leave us on the ground to be warm.